Reader Views would like to welcome Zara Griswold, author of Surrogacy Was the Way, a new and groundbreaking book presenting surrogacys possibilities through the inspirational true stories of twenty women. Zara, thanks for being with us today.

Juanita: Zara, tell us a little about your story and what inspired you to write Surrogacy Was the Way;

Zara: I had ovarian cancer when I was 23 years old (March, 1994) and this led to a total hysterectomy. Of course, my main concern at that point was the cancer, and wondering if I was indeed going to live, but once I found out that my prognosis was good, I became very depressed that I would never bear children. When I eventually met and married my husband, we always planned to adopt, and attended two separate adoption orientations. The first one (we were living in Michigan at the time) was about six months before our wedding, and they told us we would need to be married for one year before we signed up with the agency. The second one (we moved back to Illinois) was around our one year anniversary, and they told us we would have to be married for two years to work with this agency. I felt totally helpless and as if I had no control over when we started building our family. At this point, my husband and I were both 31 years old and we had been together for five and a half years.

When I started researching the topic, I found several Online support groups. As I met other women who were turning to Surrogacy and asked them, what brought you to surrogacy, (and they asked me the same question) I became totally fascinated with the stories they told me I thought it was so incredible that so many people have been through so much to have children. I thought it would be great to have a book out there that documented a variety of stories to tell what other people went through to have children (pre-surrogacy), what led them to surrogacy (how they made the decision to go the surrogacy route) and then to touch on, of course, how their actually surrogacy journey went and see how things ultimately turned out.

Juanita: Why is surrogacy such a controversial topic?

Zara: Because people dont know much about it. People assume that the surrogate can keep the baby and that type of thing. Its just a very foreign concept to most people. Also, some believe that if you cant have children, you should adopt.

Juanita: Do you address legalities and contracts in Surrogacy Was the Way?

Zara: Not in depth. If an intended mother refers to the contract phase, it may be mentioned. Some intended mothers discuss briefly whether surrogacy is legal in their state/country or if its legal but compensating a surrogate is not, that type of thing. It would be difficult to discuss this in great detail because the laws are different in every state and in various countries. The method of addressing any issue in the book (from legalities, to emotional aspects, etc.) is through the stories themselves. If a particular person chooses to go into detail about any topic in particular, it will be in the story.

Juanita: What are some of the reasons women explore surrogacy?

Zara: Speaking for myself, I wanted to experience a pregnancy from beginning to end. I felt a tremendous hole within because of my hysterectomy, and I felt that with surrogacy (unlike adoption) I could be included in the pregnancy from the moment of conception, throughout the pregnancy and birth experience. I wanted to go to ultrasound appointments, I wanted to see our surrogates belly getting bigger and bigger, that type of thing. Ive heard other women say the same thing that the benefit of surrogacy as that you can experience the entire pregnancy along with the surrogate. Another benefit for many, is the fact that (usually) either both parents or at least one parent has the opportunity to have a biological child. In my case, we used an egg donor, but we were able to use my husbands sperm. I wanted him to have the chance to pass on his genetics, even if I could not. In most cases of gestational surrogacy, the intended mother (mother to be) is able to use her own eggs, and the intended father can use his sperm, so the baby/ies is biologically related to both parents its just carried by another person. In other cases, (such as my situation), if an egg donor is used, then at least the intended father can use his sperm and have a genetic child. In the case of Traditional surrogacy, the surrogate is also the biological mother to the child, but still, in most cases, the intended fathers sperm is used. Even when a sperm donor is used (this is much more rare) and nobody is biologically related, people still like the option of surrogacy because they feel they have some control (i.e., choosing the genetics, planning the surrogacy). People like the fact that the embryo/baby is created with intent.

Juanita: How will Surrogacy Was the Way help couples in their decision-making process considering surrogacy?

Zara: It will give them a realistic viewpoint into what it is like to be an intended mother the mother to be in a surrogacy situationthe good, the bad and the ugly. They wont just learn about the rosy side of surrogacy, they will see that sometimes the road can be rather bumpy. But, they will also learn about many women who faced many obstacles along the way, who ultimately did end up having a child (or more) through surrogacy. After reading the book, some may feel that surrogacy is not for them, and thats okay. Some may decide to do some more research into the subject after reading the book. Others may read it and say, I can do this! and decide they definitely want to pursue the surrogacy path. Either way, by reading about the journeys of others (all true stories) people will have more information to help them put their thoughts together and determine what they want to do.

Juanita: Is your book as helpful and insightful for the surrogate mother?

Zara: Yes, I think many surrogates (or potential surrogates) will finally get a true vision of what its like to be on the other side. Maybe this will help surrogates (or potential surrogates) understand a little more how difficult it can be for couples who have experienced infertility.

Juanita: What are some of the pitfalls/hardships common in the process for both the expectant parents and the surrogate mother?

Zara: For some, its hard just to find the right person or for the surrogate, to find the right couple to help, (the matching process). Once this happens, sometimes the contract phase can be hairy. This is when the couple and the surrogate are agreeing on the terms of the contract. Sometimes people will not agree on things (i.e., how much $ per week the surrogate will get if she goes on bedrest, that type of thing) Throughout the pregnancy, its difficult for the surrogate sometimes if she feels she is not appreciated, if, for example, her couple isnt contacting her as much as they led her to believe they would of if they dont seem as interested in going to doctor appts and such as they initially led her to believe. The other side, is when the intended parents are too overbearing this can be irritating to the surrogate because she may not feel she is being trusted. For the intended parents, its difficult to relinquish the control of the pregnancy. Its difficult to sit back for 9-10 months and cross your fingers that everything is going to be okay even when you trust your surrogate completely. Its a hard situation because the intended mother typically wishes she could be the pregnant one and sometimes disagrees with things the surrogate does or doesnt do, but isnt sure if she should say anything because she doesnt want to come across as controlling. It can be a tricky situation.

Juanita: What are some of the cons for parents in choosing surrogacy over other options such as adoption?

Zara: One con, is that since you KNOW about the pregnancy from beginning to end so if you are the type of person who worries (like myself) you spend a lot of time worrying that something bad will happen to the pregnancy (miscarriage etc.) or that something will go wrong. With adoption, most of the time you dont know about the baby until the birth mother is close to delivering, so while you may worry about her changing her mind and such, its a different kind of worry and (usually) for a shorter amount of time. The other con, is that if the IVF transfer doesnt work, couples will spend lots of money attempting pregnancy over and over again. So surrogacy can definitely be more costly than adoption. But if the IVF transfer works within the first or second try, and the surrogate is charging reasonable compensation, sometimes surrogacy doesnt cost much more than adoption (and sometimes it even costs less especially if you are considering an international adoption)

Juanita: How important is a support network for surrogate mothers, and expectant parents?

Zara: HUGELY important. I cannot stress this enough. If the surrogate is married, her husband (especially) must be supportive of the pregnancy/surrogacy. If hes not, she probably isnt a good candidate. Expectant parents really need to lean on each other too its a very stressful (albeit exciting) time. In addition to friends and family, people can find support Online in todays age of modern technology (thank goodness!) and I definitely recommend that both intended parents and surrogates take advantage of this. I am forever grateful that I was able to rely on women I met Online for supportboth other intended mothers and surrogates.

Juanita: What aspect regarding surrogacy is there the biggest lack of information for everyone involved?

Zara: That sometimes people dont realize how they are going to feel once there is a pregnancy. Especially for intended parents sometimes people dont realize what is going to concern them once someone has their baby/ies in her belly. This is definitely addressed in the book again, so people can get a realistic view of what emotions they may experience. Its the same thing for the surrogateshe needs to really think about what it means to her to have the responsibility of helping people to become parents, and what it may be like for the intended parents. People need to realize that we are all human, and there are a lot of complicated emotions that both surrogates and intended parents experience. Its important that surrogates and intended parents can be open with each other without stepping on each others toes.

Juanita: How do people go about finding a surrogate mother?

Zara: These are the three most common ways: (not in any particular order)

1) the Internet

2) Surrogacy agency

3) Asking a friend or family member

Juanita: Is there any type of therapy required or recommended for everyone involved in this process?

Zara: Anybody who goes through an infertility clinic (which is basically everybody who does surrogacy, unless they opt to do at-home inseminations in the case of Traditional surrogacy) HAS to have psychological screening done; both the intended parents, the surrogate and the surrogates husband if she is married. The surrogate also has to take a MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory). This is a series of questions with yes or no answers, and it measures things about the surrogates personality to help determine if she is a good candidate.

Most surrogacy agencies also offer the option of group counseling for the surrogates if they are interested. And I dont know how many intended mothers/parents do go to therapy throughout the surrogate pregnancies, but Id assume there are people that do, just because (as I mentioned above) this can be a very stressful time.

Juanita: Have you researched or interviewed any children born through surrogacy and if so, what were their thoughts?

Zara: No, but Id love to someday.

Juanita: What is the common thread theme throughout the stories of the twenty women in your book?

Zara: That regardless of what brought them to surrogacy, regardless of what their physical condition was and what their histories are, regardless of the hurdles they encountered along the way, that with persistence, determination and faith, they all achieved their dreams. Every woman who tells her story does indeed end up having a child or more through surrogacy, and every women does eventually experience the joys of holding that baby (or more) in their arms.

Juanita: Please let your readers know how they may contact you or get additional information.

Zara: www.zaragriswold.npauthors.com is my website on my publishers website, and is where the book can be purchased. I also have a website that will eventually turn into an informational resource for surrogacy/infertility: www.surrogacywastheway.com Finally, my email address is: SurrogacyBook@comcast.net

Juanita: Zara, you have written an eye-opening, honest, and highly informative book that will serve as a great resource for people wanting more information regarding surrogacy. Thank you for taking time out to speak with us today. Do you have any last thoughts for your readers?

Zara: Thanks! I just hope the book helps people who are at a cross roads determine whether surrogacy may be a good choice for them. I hope that it gives them a realistic vision of what the possible scenarios are when going through surrogacy to have children. Most of all, I hope that it helps people realize that when facing infertility, or trying to determine how to create or add to a family, that there are so many options available in todays day and age.