Where did we get the crazy idea that parents have to agree on each and every facet of parenting?

Just stop and think about it a moment. Two people from different homes and backgrounds, are now supposed to come together and agree on every involved in something as complicated and complex as parenting.

I just don't buy it.

In my experience working with families for over 25 years now, parents do not have to think alike on everything. They do, however, have to do what I call think together.

It's fairly easy to spot when parents are caught up in thinking apart.

Signs of thinking apart

• Each parent believes that he or she has the right way to handle the children, and the spouse is just another child in the mix.

• The parents openly disagree in front of the kids.

• Each parent actively undermines the other.

• One parent and a child regularly keep secrets from the other parent.

• The teen is clearly in charge at home.

Results of thinking apart

• A wedge is driven between the parents, creating resentment and animosity.

• The kids know which parent to ask to get a yes to a question.

• The kids know how to play the parents against each other.

• The kids become more and more manipulative.

• The kids develop a strong "I-want-what-I_want-when-I-want-it" syndrome.