This revelation hit me the other day while I was listening to a cassette on having financial balance in your life. On the tape, the author talked about a goal setting seminar he went to. The lesson he was revealing is that too often when we set goals, we are setting the have part of the equation, then doing the work of getting to the goal without ever making the effort to be anything.

If youre paying attention, theres a math lesson that translates to this message. Any math person will tell you that there is a definite order to life. A + B = C, and if you get it out of that order, even the simplest of ideas can become overwhelmingly confusing. So this equation must begin with be not do or have.

For example, people set a goal of meeting the right person. That is the have that they want, so they begin doing the things the world says make sense to get to that goal. They go to bars, they go to church, they go to work, they go to parties, they go to schoolall with the spoken or unspoken intention of acquiring what they do not have, a partner. Years ago they called the females with this mindset, Mrs. Majors. They were not in college to get a degree; they were in college to get a husband.

In todays world some of these typesmen and womenhave the have and do parts down to a science. One manifestation of this is the book, The Rules. This book purports to explain exactly what you have to do to get the goal of having a mate. The problem is that this is completely senseless when you understand the equation of be-do-have.

When you truly get this life lesson, it will have a profound impact on every aspect of your life. No longer will you focus solely on the goalnow you will focus on who you must first become, and the attainment of the goals will follow.

I know, it sounds Pollyanna. It sounds so simple. But its the simple-sounding things that are often the most difficult to actually do. I see this turmoil in teenagers a lot. They think that their identity is created by who they are with, what they wear, what their outward appearance is. The reality, however, is that identity is based on who you are.

Thats why you hear of 10- and 20-year high school reunions in which the popular kids are now struggling and some of the most unpopular kids are now the successful adults. When you understand this equation, it makes perfect sense. Think about it. In high school, the popular kids already have. They have the status, the good looks, the admiration of others. Why work for something you already have?

The unpopular kids on the other hand are forced to find their true identity not in the outer world, but in the inner world. So they work on themselves rather than on what the outside world says is important. Thus, 10 or 20 years down the road, they who have been forced to be are now doing and having in much greater proportion than those who had everything. To be sure, this is a vast generalization. There are popular kids who take time out to work on themselves and become, and there are unpopular kids who want to have so badly that they contort who they are trying to fit in. The exceptions are there, but so is the rule.

You have to be before you can do, and you have to do before you can have. If you dont, nothing you ever get will be enough. And if you do, whatever you have will be plenty. With this in mind, find some time today to fit a little being time into your to-do list. It may just turn out to be the best time investment you could ever make.

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2002